Friday, February 4, 2011

Driver's Course

Due to a recent body crash I find myself working on at 6:30pm what I meant to be working on at 1:00pm.

Fret not, this is my day off work. My employment is not yet in jeopardy. How sweet of you to care.

Because of my proclivity towards excelling at actions in general I am taking a "driving course". This is the epitome of our nation state. It's some company, SafetyServe Inc., that gets a steady income from providing a shitty product to poor souls (me) on pain of a severe fucking by the State of Illinois. Let me tell you, if there is a state that knows how to fuck those trapped briefly within its confines (say for the couple of hours it takes to speed through Chicago) it is Illinois.

So speeding ticket paid, now I get to pay another $50 bucks for a "training" that utterly, completely, hysterically useless.

It fails in two ways. Number 1) I don't know the person who would actually sit riveted watching a driver course ONLINE or any other media that some quick (or painfully slow) manner of circumventing is possible. I have mine going now. It has to finish every damn paragraph in some poor, state-funded voice actor's monotone (I'm really phoning this in) drone before I can click the NEXT button to get on with it. So I let it run and check back periodically between other more important tasks...LIKE MAKING JERKY!!! I just got a new dehydrator.

NUMERO DOS!!!!111!!!!
Even when I let my mind drift in to find out what IS being talked about what I find is an amalgamation of "No shit, Sherlock" obvious quotes and jarringly jackass wrong assertions.
NSS: Too Much sunlight in the eyes can make visibility limited.
JJW: In an accident. Everyone is at fault.
Basically what this is is a WASTE OF MY TIME and ILLINOIS TAXPAYER MONEY and, most importantly, MY MONEY.

It does not help anyone become a better driver at anything....EVER.

EVER